mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
