Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
