Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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