why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
