WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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