I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
