Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
