I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
