I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
