and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
