My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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