I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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