It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
