Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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