life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
