I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
