Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Pants are for mortals
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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