if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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