Just mADE A PArabola og urine
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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