3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
