omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
