3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
