Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
