woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
