Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
