He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
