I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
