The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
