the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
