Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
