she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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