You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
