I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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