My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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