If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
