Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
