Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
