Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
