Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I look better un-naked...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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