so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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