Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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