Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
