Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
