I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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