Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
