Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
