at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
