My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
