how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
