Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
