Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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