Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
