she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
