genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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