I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
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