I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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