I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
