Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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