oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
