and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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